Mission Impossible

On the wagon, off the wagon. Hmm. It would appear that getting myself into a drunken' whiskey induced stupor is a regular Friday activity these days. Considering I don't drink much otherwise, it's ok except I keep missing out on the beautiful climate the next day because I'm curled into a fetal position in bed recovering. Actually, it's not that bad and it is so worth going out so I can share with you some of the sweet pick-up lines I've heard from dudes in states far drunker than mine.

One was from a guy who before starting to get drunk said "hey, if I drink enough of these, I'll go home with anything!" A few rounds later, he asked me to take him home.
Assessment-Flattering as it may be, you'd have a better chance tonight with your pillow, a jar of vasaline and eventually, the porcelain throne. See ya!

As I peered over the bar to assess what kind of whiskey the Lone Palm had, a guy said "what are you looking for?" I said "types of whisky." His response "I wouldn't know because I don't drink it"
Assessment-You don't like whisky? I don't like you.

(Now, I can't remember the details of how this conversation started with these two guys-sadly the cuter of the two was REALLY wasted and his friend looked embarrassed, but humored), but the end result was conversation along the lines of "Seriously, we have really big dicks-wanna see?"
Assessment-Thanks boys, but gang-bangs are so 1990.

Two guys approached us at a wine bar "We're from Miami-wanna come swing dancing with us? What's with all the homeless? Not to be graphic, but there were like these two bums fucking in a tent." This guy proceeded to bring up homeless sex, masturbation and exposure at every conversational turn. (Again, his friend looked embarrassed, and actually, not humored at all)
Assessment-Miami huh? Swing dancing huh? Forget the bums, you fucking screwed yourself with that first line dude.

Two guys (one with a wedding ring mind you) started cracking not only anal sex jokes, but threw in a little excrement and beastiality to boot.
Assessment-You need to be a hell of a lot cuter to work the crude humor.

This next one happened to my friend, but my sweet experience wasn't far behind. Guy from Ireland walks up to us at Bar #1-"So, your last name is polish eh? Where is Poland? Didn't Hitler invade Poland"..Moving on to Bar#2-Guy walks up to me dressed in a Raider's starter jacket, with matching hat and a braided rat tail "Why are you wearing gloves inside? Don't you think that's weird" Guy with braided bug-antenna hair and jacket with 1 million buttons strolls by.
Assessment-Bar#1 dude-talking about Hitler isn't usually synonymous with getting laid. Bar#2 guy-San Jose puked your ass pretty far out tonight. Go home, crack open a Budweiser and call it a day.

"Wow, hey you're like really smart and shit"
Assessment-Looks can be deceiving. I'm talking to you right?

Ohh man. There are so many more, but these are the more memorable highlights.

Feel free to use these beauties on your next outing.