Souless in Miami

You may leave your heart in San Francisco, but your soul in Miami? Yep. I feel like a piece of me died over the weekend..well, ok it wasn't that bad.

Miami is like being in a foreign country in many ways. Culturally, it is really interesting. Socially, it is really not. I used to think LA was bad regarding appearance obsession. Before my trip to Miami, I made jokes that I didn't have the right color tube dress to wear to a formal occasion, or the standard "uniform" of strappy high heels, tight-ass jeans, and a halter top that shows ample cleavage-but alas, when I got there-I found it was no joke. The one thing I did appreciate was the store mannequins. They all had ample asses and thighs. And, the women, no matter what size, all sported like outfits. I think as a man, I would suffer from over-visual stimulation. After a while, I wouldn't know what to look at, and unless you have a fat-money clip, the look but don't touch rule applies. And the men. Well, I guess some women go for the beefy, tan, with open silky shirts and gold chain type-or as I call them, the "Larrys."

Miami definitely left an impression on me (in the form of a massive black bruise on my back as I fell on a hunk of metal in the ladies room and drunkenly hugged the porcelain throne for a few hours). Everytime I got kneed in the back on the 5 hour plane-ride home, I was reminded of sweet Miami. Maybe the fates wanted me to remember the trip as a valuable experience? Could be, but more likely it was punishment for one-too many satanic jokes in the Catholic church. Touché!

And now for something completely different...

I have lost a lot of people in my life over the years. Four to HIV. Some to cancer. Others to the various ways nature weeds down the populous. It hurts when friends loose a special person in their life. Someone once gave me a poem by an anonymous poet (or at least they didn't know who wrote it) that gave me perspective on death as a "transition".

Do not stand by my grave and weep.
I am not there.
I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am a diamond glint of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning, hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starshine at night.

Do not stand by my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.

Mars/Venus, Yin/Yang, Tomato/Tomato

I never really bought into the whole "men and women think completely different" thing. My best friend is a guy, I have lot's of guy friends. I pretty much thought I knew how they think, and in turn could relate. Of course, that's a generalization. Every individual is different. I've been coming to realize lately, that I have no idea what the hell men believe. Women are much more "relational." We ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Probably to the point of annoyance. We also over analyze things (although this one can carry over to the male populous, depending on the individual). I know for a fact that I am overly logical, compared to my "feeling" sisters. I spend 15 minutes with someone, and I know where they work, what they do, hobbies, kin, where they live, etc. In turn, they probably know way more about me than they wanted to. I'm a strong believer in communication. I just don't see it with guys. Getting info from them can be like pulling teeth.

Miscommunication is way too rampant these days. I'm also always luring myself into a false sense of "okayness." If I do get into it with someone, and all seems to be resolved, I often replay the scenario in my head, and realize that I'm really not ok. "I should've said this!" "But that doesn't make sense!" It's exhausting! And, one thing I do know about guys is that they don't want to drag junk out any further than necessary if they don't have to. Right? I also believe the whole notion of guys being unemotional is bullshit. The difference is how we all deal at the time.

Of course, this particular post probably makes absolutely no sense to anyone. I mean, what do I know about how men and women think? I can't even figure out what the hell I am trying to convey in this damn post.